My new friend is so great!
My new friend is the best.
My new friend says, “Thank you”
and never is a pest.
He always studies hard.
He always gets good grades.
When you want some help,
he never is afraid.
He’s good at every sport
and man does that guy ski.
His only little flaw
is that we’re both hungry.
Thanks for the ice creams!
We’re off to buy some stock.
In case I didn’t say:
My new friend is a rock.
With my magic book
I travel throughout time.
I usually take a trip
right before bedtime.
I’ve beat a dreadful witch
with my trusty duck.
I drove myself to school
in a monster truck.
I’ve camped on pink mountains.
I’ve sword-fought under sea.
I even caught a burglar
as tiny as flea.
With my magic book
I travel throughout time
’cause when I flip the page,
I see a different rhyme.
I was really gassy
visiting New York.
There were many times
I wished I had a cork.
I farted at museums
with Lady Liberty.
Then I was on Wall Street
and really set them free.
I tooted in Time Square
and blasted Central Park.
When we watched a play,
I butt-honked after dark.
I farted all the time.
I farted myself silly.
If you go to New York,
do NOT eat any chili!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in… we’re cold!
* Why did the lettuce go red?
– It saw the salad dressing.
* What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?
– Lettuce get together!
* What can you cook with epileptic lettuce?
– Seizure salad!
A man went to the doctors with lettuce hanging out of his ear. “That looks bad,” the doctor said. “This is just the tip of the iceberg!” the man replies.
I watched an epic race
between a horse and dog.
One drove in a race car.
The other rode a hog.
The counted down from five
before the light turned green.
Then smoke poured from their cars.
They floored their fast machines.
They spun around the track
so fast they were a blur.
The doggie finally won
but just by a whisker.
I shared a bowl of popcorn
with a kangaroo
and bought a pet koala
at the Sydney Zoo.
It turns out my Koala’s
an expert singing Strauss
so we sang together
at the Opera House.
After our big show
we met a cockatoo
who drove us to the beach
for a bar-be-que.
The bar-be-que was fun
but we had to keep it brief:
tomorrow we are going
to snorkel the great reef!
* Why did the king go to the dentist?
– To get his teeth crowned!
* What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?
– Braces himself
* Why does Dracula clean his teeth three times a day?
– To prevent bat breath.
* Why couldn’t the dentist help the girl who ate glue?
– Her lips were sealed!
* What did the dentist see at the North Pole?
– A molar bear
* What did the tooth say to the dentist when he left?
– Fill me in when you get back
* Why did the tree go to the dentist?
– To get a root canal.
* What time do you go to the dentist?
– Tooth Hurty! (2:30)
* What did the judge say to the dentist?
– Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
* Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
– Dracula’s dentist
* What does a dentist give an elephant with a sore tooth?
– Plenty of room!
* “Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?”
– I don’t know… the dentist kept it.
* What does a dentist call his X-rays?
– Tooth-pics!
* What did the Abominable Snowman eat after his tooth was pulled out?
– The dentist.
My locker squeaks.
My locker creaks.
My locker is the worst!
If I didn’t know better, I’d say the thing was cursed.
The handle broke.
The lock’s a joke.
It smells like underwear.
But worst of all I must share it with a grizzly bear.
Authors Steve & Natasha