I like to imagine shiny paperclips.
I like to imagine pens with chewed-on tips.
I also love to think about bars of soap,
packs of unused nails and pieces of brown rope.
You may find it dull I dream about a rake,
But I live with werewolves, so it is a break!
* What do you call an elephant in your bathroom?
– Stuck!
* What do you get when an elephant sky dives?
– A big hole.
* What is the difference between an elephant and a banana?
– If you don’t know, I’m never eating a banana split at your house!
* How can you tell if there’s an elephant in the ice cream shop?
– His bike is outside.
* What time is it when an elephant sits in a chair?
– Time to buy a new chair!
* What’s big and grey with horns?
– An elephant marching band!
* How do you raise a baby elephant?
– With a fork lift!
* How do you get down from an elephant?
– You don’t! You get down from a duck.
(Down is another name for duck feathers!)
* How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
– Grapes are purple.
* How is an elephant like a pencil?
– Both are yellow… except for the pencil.
* What did the peanut say to the elephant?
– Nothing! Peanuts can’t talk.
* What do you call an elephant at the North Pole?
– Lost.
* What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?
– An elephant can have fleas but fleas can’t have elephants.
I swear that this jam weighs as much as a bridge.
I don’t think that I’ll get it out of the fridge.
I see tiny bubbles that float all around
every time the jam makes a trumpet sound.
I took off the lid and saw something bizarre.
There was an elephant inside my jar.
I don’t think that I’ll put this jam on my bread.
(I’ll stick with peanut butter on toast instead).
My little sis’ deserves
something nice today
so I filled her floor
with mounds of fresh-cut hay.
Her favorite cuddly toy
is a purple sheep
so I got her lambs
while she was asleep.
The lambs made lots of noise!
I worried she would wake!
I quickly made them each
a strawberry milkshake.
They finished the ice-cream
as fast as they could drink.
It didn’t sit too well:
the room began to stink.
I hope you learn from me
and follow my advice:
It’s absolutely not
worth it to be nice.
Fill out these questions to generate your own silly mad libs story instantly online! (Hint: a Verb is an action. An adverb usually ends in “ly” and describes an action (like slowly). A noun is a person/place/thing. An adjective describes a person/place/thing.)
I mix up all my veggies.
I can’t tell peas from leeks.
I couldn’t point out broccoli
if it’s stuffed between my cheeks.
My carrot cakes have cabbage
My cole-slaw tastes like toes.
When I make a snowman
it’s got spinach for a nose.
While baking a fresh pizza
I don’t add tomato sauce.
I accidentally throw on
Brussel sprouts covered in moss.
Until I learn my veg,
I think it’s safe for now
to avoid all of the foods
that have ever touched a plow.
* What did the carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?
– Rugs and kisses!
* Why did the banana go out with the raisin?
– Because it couldn’t get a date.
* Why do valentines have hearts on them?
– Because spleens and livers are gross!
* What kind of flowers should you never give on Valentine’s Day?
– Cauliflowers!
* What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?
– You are bee-utiful! Will you bee my honey?
* What did the octopus boy say to the octopus girl?
– Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
* What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
– Ughs and kisses!
* What did the painter say to her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day?
– I love you with all my art!
* What do you call two birds in love?
– Tweethearts!
I’m looking for a Valentine,
but why won’t anyone be mine?
I dropped a slug in Sarah’s hair,
but she just acts like I’m not there.
I punched Melissa on the knee,
but did she get something for me?
I hid Joanna’s gloves and hat,
but she refused to even chat.
Why, oh why, don’t girls like me?
I guess it’s just a mystery!
Authors Steve & Natasha