* What did the horse say when it fell?
– I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

* What do you give a sick horse?
– Cough stirrup.

* Which horses only go out at night?
– Nightmares!

* What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
– A little hoarse.

* What sickness do horses hate the most?
– Hay fever!

* What does it mean if you found a horseshoe?
– A horse is walking around in his socks!

* Which side of the horse has the most hair?
– The outside!

* How long are a horse’s legs?
– Long enough to reach the ground!

* What do you call a horse that lives next door?
– A NEIGH-bour.

* When does a horse talk?
– Whinny wants to!

* Why did the horse cross the road?
– Somebody shouted hay!

* Why do people ride horses?
– Because they’re too heavy to carry!

* What happened to the math teacher’s plant?
– It grew square roots!

* What happened to the teacher who took the school bus home?
– The police made her bring it back!

* What’s the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
– Getting lost!

* Did you hear about the teach who took attendance?
– He was ABSENT-minded.

* Why did the children eat their homework?
– The teacher said it was a piece of cake.

* Why did the snake get a detention?
– He was HISSpering!

* Why did the teacher write on the window?
– She wanted the lesson to be clear!

* What meals do math teachers eat?
– Square meals!

* What tests do witch teachers give?
– HEX-aminations

* Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
– In the piano!

* What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?
– Summer!

* What did one snowman say to the other?
– Do you smell carrots?

* What’s white and goes up?
– A confused snowflake!

*What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
– Freeze a jolly good fellow!

* How was the snow globe feeling?
– A little shaken!

* Where do snowmen keep their money?
– In a snow bank.

* What falls at the North Pole, but never gets hurt?
– Snow!

* What’s a snowman’s favorite lunch?
– Ice bergers!

* How do you scare a snowman?
– With a hairdryer!

* Where do snowmen dance?
– The snow ball!

* What do you call an old snowman?
– Water!

* Why did the elf sleep in the fireplace?
– He wanted to sleep like a log!

* Why was Santa’s helper sad?
– He had low elf esteem.

* What do elves learn in school?
– The elf-abet.

* What do you call an elf who steals wrapping paper from the rich and gives it to the poor?
– Ribbon Hood!

* Which elf sings the best?
– ELFis Presley!

* What is white, green and red all over?
– A sunburned elf.

* What do elves do after school?
– Their gnome work!

* Why does Santa go down the chimney?
– It SOOTS him!

* Why is it cold during Christmas?
– It’s Decemberrrr!

* What nationality is Santa?
– North Polish

* Who says, “Oh, Oh, Oh?”
– Santa walking backwards!

* Where does Santa stay when he’s on vacation?
– A Ho-ho-tel!

* What is Santa’s dog called?
– Santa Paws!

* What’s instrument do reindeers play?
– Horns!

* What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
– Thanks! I’ll never part with it!

* What’s the best Christmas present?
– A broken drum… you can’t beat it!

* Why is Santa so good at karate?
– He has a black belt!

* What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
– A Holly Davidson!

* What does Christmas have in common with a cat living on a beach?
– Sandy claws!

* What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
– Jungle bells, jungle bells!

* Where does Santa vote?
– The North Poll!

* What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
– A cookie sheet!

* Which reindeer has bad manners?
– RUDEolph!

* What do you call a cat in an automobile?
– A car-pet!

* Why are cats good at video games?
– They have nine lives!

* Why don’t cats like shopping online?
– They prefer cat-alogs!

* What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
– Hailing taxis!

* Where did the kittens go on a field trip?
– The mew-seum!

* What looks like half of a cat?
– The other half!

* Why do cats make terrible story tellers?
– They only have one tail.

* Why do cats like TV remotes?
– It has a paws button!

* What is a cat’s favorite color?
– Purrr-ple.

* Have you ever seen a catfish?
– No. How does he hold the fishing pole?

* What do you call a cat that was caught by the police?
– A purr-patrator.

* What do cats eat for breakfast?
– Mice Crispies!

* Why did the turkey play drums?
– He already had drumsticks!

* What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
– Wing! Wing!

* What do you call it when it rains turkeys?
– Foul weather!

* What side of a turkey has the most feathers?
– The outside!

* Why do turkeys always “gobble, gobble”?
– They never learned good table manners!

* What key won’t open any door?
– A turkey!

* Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey for Thanksgiving?
– The moose wouldn’t fit in their oven!

* Why do pilgrims’ pants fall down?
– They wear their belt buckles on their hats!

* What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
– A har-vest!

* Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
* He was out standing in his field!

* What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport?
– Squash!

* How do you grow mashed potatoes?
– Run over your field with a steamroller!

* Where did the Pilgrims stand when they landed?
– On their feet!

* If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
– Pilgrims!

* What is Dracula’s favorite holiday?
– Fangs-giving!

* What did baby corn say to mama corn?
– Where’s popcorn?

* Where did the first corncob come from?
– The stalk brought it!

* What smells the best at Thanksgiving dinner?
– Your nose!

* What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
– A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.