The best gift for kids is…

There is a lot of junk in the world — and we’re told by marketers that we’re better parents if we buy it all for our kids. The more expensive the toy, the more we must love our kids.

However, I think the best gift for kids is time.

This weekend we bought a new toy for our son, but it wasn’t the toy that impressed him — it was us playing with him. The toy was just a vehicle for attention.

One of the best things to give your kids is a date with you. Take them on a walk, play at the park, crack open a board game, use your imagination or go to a children’s museum. (And make sure to leave your cell phone off — a walk together doesn’t count if you’re checking your email!) I do this with my nieces and nephews and it’s always the best part of my visit.

The problems with a television birth

TV is a form of entertainment, so it makes sense that television births usually feature crazy scenarios. But it’s sad that many people go into labor believing their birth will be like TV. For example, TV births always start with their water breaking, but most water doesn’t break until a woman is in serious labor. My water broke six hours into labor (all over the midwife’s shoe!) when I was just about done.

I don’t understand why TV women yell at their husband during birth. Yes, birth was painful — but my husband was my support network. I needed his love to keep me going. Why would I yell at the man who was rubbing my back, calming me down with his soothing voice and helping me remember how to breath. TV does a major disservice to woman by telling them to yell at their partner instead of sharing the moment of love. It’s like yelling at your mum for hugging you after you fell off your bike.

I could list more and more examples, but I think they can all be summed up by this idea: birth is not a medical emergency — it’s natural process that your body was designed to accomplish. There’s no need to include all that craziness in your idea of birth.

Why I gave up magazines

I gave up reading magazines a year ago. I always had a love-hate relationship with them… I would binge on them from the corner store and then wonder whatever possessed me to get them. I knew the pictures were photoshopped, the models were anorexic and that I would never look like either — but that didn’t make me give up the magazines. It just made me read them differently (with more curiosity and less jealousy).

I never liked the amount of advertising. Pages and pages of commercials — even before the table of contents. Pages and pages of products between the stories. However, I have a degree in marketing so it was interesting to see what techniques (mainly sex) they were using to sell products.

What ultimately made me give up magazines was the advertising in the articles. A friend’s company got in a big magazine not because they were the best at what they do, but because their public relations people struck a deal to do a story. The stories were a ruse! The best places to travel were paid advertisements. The top tips were propaganda from the highest bidder. Everything in the magazine was fake. I was paying money to read advertisements.

So I gave them up… and now spend more quality time with my son!

Fiery Redhead: Why I don’t label people

What labels do you have?

When I was younger I was called a fiery red hair — implying that I had a temper. The more I heard that, the more I played into that persona. As I have gotten to know myself better, I realized I’m not at all fiery. I’m actually a passive, calm person.

My sister was called a “dumb blond” because of her hair color. As an adult, she told me that she felt stupid her whole life — even though she has a university degree and is even smarter than me.

How do we get those labels?
Obviously friends and family have a big influence over your labels, but don’t underestimate the power of media. On television, women loose all their postpartum in a few weeks — it’s really easy to call myself fat because I still have mine a few months after birth. But frankly my weight seems more natural than liposuction, personal trainers and anorexic diets to shed the pounds.

How do we combat labels?
The biggest way to combat labels is self-esteem. As I became more comfortable with myself, I realized I didn’t want to be the fiery redhead. I also didn’t need to be the stick-thin mother 3 weeks after birth. I want to be me, not who others tell me I should be.

Don’t compare yourself. Every person is different and that’s a great thing! No two lives are exactly the same. We are all peppered with different experiences… so why do you think you can compare yourself to others without taking the other person’s entire history from birth into account?

Don’t label others. If you don’t like getting labels, don’t give them to others — or be very careful to only use positive labels. When I heard people calling my younger brother a lazy teenager, I asked them to stop because I didn’t want him to call himself lazy.

Thanks for reading this blog you caring, thoughtful, successful, beautiful, smart reader!

How to have a cheap wedding

Courtesy of KimberlyNelsonPhotography.com

Here are 15 tips to help you with a fun, memorable, creative — but affordable — wedding.

1)Get friends to help. It takes a village to pull off a wedding.

There is so much that goes into a wedding that it’s nearly impossible to do it yourself. We had friends help prepare the food, open our reception hall, decorate the hall, arrange the flowers, transport gifts, clean up the hall and even got an uncle to preside over the ceremony! We were very thankful to have so many people all contributing their talents for our big day. Once we had arranged everyone’s job, the day of the wedding went smoothly because everyone was pitching in. With all of the emotions of your wedding, I’m glad I didn’t have to do many tasks on the actual day because it was stressful enough just to get married. Thanks to everyone for pitching in!

2) Find cheap flowers
The cheapest wedding bouquet I could find was $70, which seemed crazy for a handful of flowers to accompany me down the aisle. So we went to the farmer’s market in downtown Minneapolis and picked out 15 bunches of beautiful flowers. It was such a fun morning wandering all the stalls and hand selecting the flowers I liked best. My aunt formed some of them into a bouquet and the rest we used to decorate the chapel and reception hall.

3) Don’t tell vendors you’re planning a wedding.
As soon as we mentioned the word “wedding” it felt like the prices suddenly doubled. So we booked cakes, halls and everything else without ever mentioning it was for our big day.

4) Mates rates
Do you know professional caterers, florists or photographers? Odds are they’ll give you a deal if you’re friends. We were lucky to know a fabulous wedding photographer. Not only is she super talented, but it was nice to support a friend.

5) Consider alternative venues
We had our wedding at a historic church that was much more affordable than renting a church (if you’re not a member). And our reception was at an old train depot in a park. Because the venue was run by the St Paul parks department, it was a quarter of the price of the hotel and spilled out into a beautiful, lush garden. You can also consider hosting your reception at a family member’s home.

6) Always read the fine print
There were many fantastic venues that seemed like a good deal, but when you read more carefully they make you spend a minimum amount for food, drinks or service — all of which are quite expensive. Pricey catering doesn’t always mean good catering. Do you have to buy their catering? Can you bring your own cake? Do they charge extra if you use your own pastor?

7) Entertainment can be free
Everyone has one friend that knows about good dance music — just be sure they include the chicken dance! For our wedding dance, we spent a night throwing our favorite sons on an iPod and then danced the night away. During the reception, we asked relatives and close friends to give short speeches. They were all touching and very memorable for my husband and I. During the ceremony, include family and friends in the service. Have them sing your favorite songs or read meaningful passages.

8) Make videos and slide shows for the reception
My husband and I are from two different countries, so we prepared little videos from the other country so that both sides of the world could be included. We recorded short speeches from family members who couldn’t make it and slides shows about our lives in the other countries.

9) Consider making your own food.
Food is important to my husband and I. We wanted our guests to feel appreciated and we wanted a sense of abundance around our wedding. (There’s nothing worse than leaving a wedding hungry). So we did a big supermarket run to get loaves of bread, tons of fresh veggies, and nuts. Our family prepared a creative make-your-own cookie bar filled with different frostings and sprinkles. For our main dish, we ordered gourmet pizzas from one of the first restaurants we ever went to. We liked the gourmet pizza because it was still somewhat classy, but fun. Why not have a fun reception?

10) Find a cheap dress.
You don’t have to wear a wedding dress to a wedding. I found an elegant, white prom dress and a friend of mine wore a sweet sixteen dress. If you aren’t shopping in the wedding section, you can find dresses for under $200. Even though I was in a prom dress, I still felt like a princess — but that was because I was marrying the husband of my dreams. The dress was just the dress.

11) Vintage stores
Look at vintage stores for bridesmaids dresses and tuxedos. My husband got a vintage tuxedo that was half the price of renting one. Plus, now we have a tuxedo that he can wear whenever he wants. (Formal breakfast in bed?) It doesn’t save money — but don’t forget to bring comfortable shoes for the reception. Nobody wants blisters from their wedding.

12) Let your bridesmaids wear their own dresses
If you have ever been a bridesmaid before, you usually end up with a hideous, strange colored dress that never gets worn again. So why not let your bridesmaids choose their own dresses? Give them some color or style guidelines and let them run free. Our pictures look a bit more natural because everyone is comfortable and happy in their clothing.

13) Ask for your honeymoon suite as a gift
My sister wanted to get us something really nice for our wedding, so she offered to pay for our honeymoon suite. At the end of an exhausting day, we were grateful to have somewhere relaxing to crash. We would have never thought to get a hot tub in the room, but it was great on our tired feet.

14) Do what’s important to you
What is important for your dream wedding? A cake was important to my husband, so we spent extra time and money on the cake. Music was important to my sister in law, so they hired professional musicians for their ceremony. Focus your time and energy on what’s important to you… otherwise you’ll spend a lot for everything instead of just the things that need extra money.

15) Accept imperfection
The last tip doesn’t really save money, but it’s still important: Nothing is perfect. There will be some hitch in your wedding… but don’t let that flaw ruin your day. Being happy on your wedding day is more important than having the perfect wedding. After all, you’re finally marrying the man of your dreams!

The Wish Tree

Courtesy Kim Nelson Photography

Before I got married I was just like every other future bride and paged through old wedding magazines to get ideas about how to make our big day special.

My favorite idea I found was a wish tree. A wish tree is comprised of sticks standing in a vase. Guests can write a wish for the couple on a small note card and attach it to the tree with ribbon. Some people even use them as guest books.

It’s a great reminder of our wedding and more personal than a photo of us on the wall. It really reminds us of the community of friends/family that came together for our us.

This week I had to move the wish tree to baby-proof our home and read through a lot of the wishes. they were all about a blessed, happy family — all of which has come true!

If you need a creative idea to celebrate a birthday, special occasion or get-well, I would highly recommend one.

What happened to stuff that lasts?

When we were first together, my husband and I traveled to much to get a Christmas tree. We would get a small little tree from the Salvation Army and return it to them when moved again.

After a bad pine-needles-everywhere experience, I finally made peace with a fake Christmas tree… so we went to Target to buy a fake tree.

It came with lights built in and after using it for two Christmases, all of the lights have burned out except for the bottom third. I remember re-using the same strand for years after years as a kid — so it makes me quite sad to see how flimsy everything — even Christmas — has gotten.

Even some of the appliances we bought at our wedding a few years ago have already broken. What happened to quality things? I understand that companies make more money from constantly breaking things, but when do consumers stand up and demand better? Should we really be throwing out all of this junk when it doesn’t have to be that way?

How to tell when labor is starting: You know!

My midwife warned me that first time mums tend to go into labor a week or so after their due date… but that didn’t stop me from obsessing about my due date a week before I was due.

Every day I worried that today was going to be the day and we weren’t ready. Did we have enough food? Why hadn’t we installed the car seat yet? Was the nursery complete? I knew it was crazy: all babies really need is breast milk and diapers, but all I could think about was the upcoming birth.

I started pre-labor contractions pretty early, but they never lasted very long and never formed that regular pattern. I don’t know how many times I googled “when are you most likely to have your baby.” Each page said there was no way to predict your due date, but I kept searching for a prediction.

The day I gave birth, I was completely sick of being pregnant. I remember crying and asking my husband if I would actually give birth. I was so excited to meet my kid and it seemed so cruel to wait any longer.

At midnight I went into labor and I had to laugh at myself because there was no doubt I was in labor. The old quote “if you question whether you are in labor, you probably aren’t” rang true. The warm-up contractions I had been feeling for two weeks didn’t even compare. If you are googling this blog post to see if you are in labor, I can say you most certainly aren’t!

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