My home is under siege today
From a slow-i-cane.
Everything is sluggish
It really is a pain!

I tried to fill my water
From the kitchen sink
It dripped all of the morning,
But not enough to drink.

I clicked my bedside lamp
But haven’t see the light
I’m worried it will shine now
In the middle of the night.

I kicked my soccer ball
At the Frisbee in the tree
But it hasn’t even traveled
Any higher than my knee.

I’ll open all of my presents
When my dad’s done with the yard.
But the way that things are going
I may not even see a card.

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Check out my book My Sister Steals My Toys. It contains 109 other funny poems I wrote.

My teacher asked her students
“What would you like to be?”
The answers we came up with
Were not a shock to me.

Sam wants to hide hyenas
In other people’s pants.
And Pat will teach a werewolf
The basic moves of dance.

John will study rowing
Just like his dear old dad.
They’ll cross a chocolate river
On dinghies painted plaid.

Blake will train ten tigers
To paint with just their tails
While Todd will stack six seagulls
On top of thirty quails.

Some of these jobs might shock you
Or frighten or appall,
But I think they are normal
Because I’ve done them all.

Enjoy this poem?

Check out my book My Sister Steals My Toys. It contains 109 other funny poems I wrote.

Farmer Fran could use a hand
With her thousand cows.
She milks them all down in a stall
As much as each allows.

The precious cream drips in a stream
Deeper than her knee
Across the yard and passed the chard
Around her property.

This vegetation irrigation
Began when she was born
Her generation’s plantations
Only grow creamed corn.

I’m flipping through the phone book
astonished by my find:
there are too many last names
that are the same as mine!

400 Harry Hansons,
A thousand Jens and Sams,
250 Stevens,
And twenty Bens and Pams.

A Hranson (silent R),
The Hansens and ten Matts.
I think Meow-er Hanson
May be somebody’s cat.

Why are there all these Hansons
with names just like my own?
I guess it’s because each of them
has a telephone!