My little sis’ deserves
something nice today
so I filled her floor
with mounds of fresh-cut hay.
Her favorite cuddly toy
is a purple sheep
so I got her lambs
while she was asleep.
The lambs made lots of noise!
I worried she would wake!
I quickly made them each
a strawberry milkshake.
They finished the ice-cream
as fast as they could drink.
It didn’t sit too well:
the room began to stink.
I hope you learn from me
and follow my advice:
It’s absolutely not
worth it to be nice.
I mix up all my veggies.
I can’t tell peas from leeks.
I couldn’t point out broccoli
if it’s stuffed between my cheeks.
My carrot cakes have cabbage
My cole-slaw tastes like toes.
When I make a snowman
it’s got spinach for a nose.
While baking a fresh pizza
I don’t add tomato sauce.
I accidentally throw on
Brussel sprouts covered in moss.
Until I learn my veg,
I think it’s safe for now
to avoid all of the foods
that have ever touched a plow.
I’m looking for a Valentine,
but why won’t anyone be mine?
I dropped a slug in Sarah’s hair,
but she just acts like I’m not there.
I punched Melissa on the knee,
but did she get something for me?
I hid Joanna’s gloves and hat,
but she refused to even chat.
Why, oh why, don’t girls like me?
I guess it’s just a mystery!
I’ve replaced my bed with
an ice-cream machine.
It serves up chocolate
or vanilla bean.
My dresser is packed
with sprinkles and cherries.
My toy cupboard’s filled
with whip cream and berries.
I got rid of my books
to make room for bowls
and I’ve taught all my dolls
to use the controls.
I adore my room.
It makes my heart leap!
The only bad thing:
I have nowhere to sleep.
I want to see Egypt and raft down the Nile.
I want to see all of their stones in a pile.
I’ll meet an old Pharaoh and wear his cool hat
Or eat with the woman who knew the first cat.
But while I wait (since it might be a while)
I’ll dress my dog up in that white mummy style.
We’re going on vacation to my Grandma’s place.
My mom told me I must pack my own suitcase.
I started with necessities, like a chocolate bar
And moved on to my full-sized electric-blue guitar.
I squeezed my teddy bear between my bat and ball.
I didn’t pack my goldfish – I can buy one at her mall.
I packed my toy computer and my bathtub yacht,
But I have a feeling there is something I forgot.
Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the cave,
the monsters were dreaming
of things that they crave.
Jonathan wanted a
doll with no head.
His sister had hoped
for a bone crushing sled.
When out on the lawn
the howling just ceased.
I stuck my head out
to check our guard beast.
I blinked my ten eyes;
they couldn’t believe:
a sleigh full of toys
on Christmas Eve!
The chubby fat man
talking to deer
disabled our traps
without signs of fear.
Like a quick puff of smoke
He made it inside.
I hope while he’s here
no one steals his ride
He was dressed all in red
with a jolly thick beard,
but the bells on his shoes
looked a bit weird.
Before I could bite him
with my large teeth,
he delivered his gifts
and straightened our wreath.
And I heard him exclaim
as he flew out of sight:
“Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!”
My family got a new dog.
It’s fur is short and white.
I absolutely love him,
but something is not right.
His ears are soft and long
and flop along the side.
His tail is quite short
But also very wide.
He’s positively quiet.
He never makes a sound.
He’s got a real cute jump
when I put him on the ground.
I’m sure when he grows up
He’ll be massively strong.
His favorite food’s carrots
He eats them all day long!
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Authors Steve & Natasha