For Halloween I dressed as Clipper-Vix-Vad,
the scariest beast that the world’s ever had.
His deafening howl can send chills to the bone.
His eyes have been known to turn men into stone.
He’s mean to the core and as sharp as a tack.
Don’t go out alone! (If you do, watch your back.)
He’s ten times as deadly as a battleship,
but sadly he looks like a big paperclip.
My father is proud of the car he just bought.
It’s the top-of-the-line! Newest car on the lot!
If you step on the gas, it will purr like a jet.
There isn’t a race car that’s beaten us yet.
But I am ashamed when he drives me to school:
It looks like a toilet (with pooh for its fuel!)
I’d like you to meet Robert:
he’s my new pet fly.
He’s sitting on my shoulder
because he is quite shy.
his work is serving ice-cream cones
at the downtown mall.
He’s fabulous at soccer…
if you have a tiny ball.
He taught me how to dance.
We do the do-see-doe.
We’re going to start a band
He plays a small banjo.
He loves my bedside lamp,
but only when it’s on.
His favorite food is Cole-slaw
that’s been sitting on my lawn.
I think I’ve just broken my new time machine:
Wherever I travel to I’m forced to clean.
I wanted to ride through the old wild west
But to many undershirts had to be pressed.
I traveled to China to see the Great Wall.
Instead I raked leaves because it was fall.
I thought that Atlantis would be a short stop
until someone showed me what I had to mop.
I thought that Mount Fuji would be fun to climb
But too many windows were covered in grime.
Do you think you can help? I’m really in need.
I want to see castles — and not pull a weed!
I am Trenton Drainer
I’m a wildlife trainer.
Animals obey
every word I say.
My goldfish water-skis
past flaming balls of cheese.
My birds can juggle plates
while wearing roller skates.
My basset hound chorale
sings songs to boost morale.
I’ve event taught my cat
to knit a woolen hat.
Motorcycling mice
help farmers harvest rice
while half a dozen goats
shoot fireworks from boats.
I am Trenton Drainer
I’m a wildlife trainer.
Animals obey
every word I say.
The tropical fish stickers
that decorate my wall
are sprouting gills and fins
before they start to fall.
The stickers are real fish,
complete with scales and slime.
I wish this hadn’t happened
just before bed time.
Sea turtles are jumping
and crawling to my door.
A clown fish dives with grace
then flops around my floor.
I put them in my drink
before another dives.
But I’ll need some help
before that shark arrives.
Hiding in our house
there is a little troll.
With pointy little teeth,
he gnaws through any bowl.
His nose is like a rock
that’s twisted all around.
His ears are soft and thin,
just like an old bloodhound.
He wears a cherry hat
above his coarse black hair.
He ate all my ice-cream.
I need more so it’s fair.
I’ve set up my stand.
I only take cash.
I sell toupees made for birds.
When bald eagles land
I’ll sell out in a flash.
Get your before the whole herd!
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Authors Steve & Natasha