How To Make a Ham Cake

As most people know, the best way to get ahead in life is a good ham cake. I’m not talking about a pork pie — but a fluffy, dessert cake shaped like a ham. Here’s how I made mine:

Start with a 9×13″ cake. I used a white cake with red dye, but a red velvet cake would work fine. Everyone has their favorite recipe or brand, so make what your family likes.

Bake the cake and let it cool… preferably on a window sill where it’s easy for neighborhood children to steal.

Cut the cake in half so you have two 9×6.5″ cakes. Stack the two pieces on top of each other. Extra credit: put pink frosting between the two layers of cake before you stack it.

Use a serrated knife to shave the cake into a tear-drop shape. I rounded all of the edges and sloped down the down the back. When you’re done, put the cake on your final serving platter. Now is a good time to eat most of the shavings, but save a few to use as ham slices on the tray.

Frost! Frost! Frost! You need three colors of frosting: brown, white and pink. Again you can make your favorite frosting or buy it in a can. (If you make the frosting, make sure it is easily spreadable because the cake is extra crumbly from shaping it). I used chocolate frosting, vanilla frosting and then added red food coloring to the vanilla to make it pink.

Frost the back, top and sides of the cake with brown frosting… but before you do any frosting, test it to make sure it tastes good. I recommend testing at least two spoons since the first one might be a fluke.

Make a diamond pattern on the brown frosting. You can use the handle of a spoon or knife to draw subtle diamonds on the chocolate frosting — but I opted to pipette white diamonds on my ham cake so it would have a more cartoon-y look. (There are instructions about pipetting below.)

Frost the front of the cake pink. If you actually have any cake shavings left, turn them into shaved ham that has already been cut on the platter. As you can see from my picture, I only had one shaving left.

Pipette the white ham bone. If you have never pipetted before, it’s surprisingly simple. Put white frosting into a plastic bag and seal off the bag by spinning it or zipping it. Cut off a small corner of the plastic bag with scissors. Squeeze white frosting out of the plastic bag in a circle shape so it looks like a ham bone.

If you don’t have a baby that’s about ready to wake up from a nap, put mini chocolate chips in the middle of each of the chocolate diamonds — they’ll look like little cloves. I had hoped to do that, but my baby was just waking up.

Before serving, top with a pineapple slice and a maraschino cherry.

Time to complete: 30 minutes once the cake is baked and the frosting is made/purchased… or a good two hours if you’re making the cake from scratch, baking, cooling and cleaning everything up.

Cleaning up is optional — nobody will care that you made a mess when they’re eating HAM CAKE!

Why your profession shouldn’t matter

Why is your profession always the first thing people want to know about you?
Is it an easy conversation starter? Is it more interesting than the weather? Is work so universal that it’s the only way to bond with strangers?

Regardless of the reason, I think there is a more nefarious side about sharing your profession: make make assumptions about who you are and what you’re capable of.

My experiment with professions
When I lived abroad in New Zealand, I had a blank slate because literally nobody in the country knew who I was. That was extremely terrifying, but fabulous for experimenting with my idea of self and who I wanted to be. I have had a variety of careers in my past, so when I introduced myself to new people, I selectively mentioned a previous profession.

Technical work was fabulous for finding a place to live. I sounded responsible and respectful — but most people weren’t interested in talking further about what I did.

However, it was hard to make friends in the hostel talking about keyboards and mice so I introduced myself as a writer to them. I think people assume good story-tellers make for interesting friends.

My Professional Surprise
The biggest surprise actually came from working a retail job in New Zealand after just quitting a technical one in America. As a computer technician, I had Harvard PhDs asking me for advice because they trusted my opinion and saw me as their equal — even though I didn’t have a big-name degree. As a cashier everyone assumed I was a dumb slacker whose job would hopefully be replaced by a vending machine. I had personally made the line long to spite them and had stolen all the $5 bills so they had to get five ones instead.

What did I learn from all of this?
The first lesson I learned is that we are all people — regardless of our profession. As Simon mentioned earlier this week in my wife’s post about labeling people, we should see people as “a fellow human who happens to do a job” rather than a stereotypical, inhumane role. I don’t understand why we put so much emphasis on what we’re trained to do… it’s just training.

The second lesson I learned is to be nice to all people (even cashiers!) because they’re people. Their job is just where they’re working, not who they are. If you start talking to cashiers, you’ll realize they have hopes, dreams and aspirations… just like you…

The Art of Taking a Break

This weekend I was exhausted. I wanted to write, but I had no energy. I felt bad giving myself some time off to sit and watch movies, but I did it anyway. I knew I would get sick if I didn’t listen to my body.

While resting, I spent a lot of time thinking breaks and I don’t know why breaks get a bad rep! We’re told we need to study more, try harder, work later and be more successful — but I disagree. Most people need more rest.

Nature is built in cycles. Trees grow in summer and rest in the winter. The moon shines brightly before waning and then going black. Animals forage all day and then sleep all night (or vice-versa!) So why are Americans always go-go-go? What happened to the break?

Winter is the season to take stock of your harvest and plan your next garden. If you are constantly planting — even when the conditions aren’t right — eventually your garden and energy levels will collapse. The cycles of life demands breaks. So this weekend I am proud to announce that I did nothing. I watched movies that inspire me. I napped every time my son napped… and I feel so much better for it. Breaks are a beautiful part of life.

Why don’t we eat dinner in bed?

Almost every time my wife breastfeeds our son, he falls asleep eating. Sometimes she keeps waking him so he can finish eating. I’m sure a belly full of warm milk to someone already prone to naps is the reason why… but it makes me laugh.

When was the last time you ate a giant Thanksgiving banquet in bed? Why do we let kids eat and fall asleep, but not parents? I’d love to have a giant sandwich or cheesecake on my nightstand and then slowly eat as I drift off to sleep. Aside from waking up when I rolled over into a bowl of cereal, I don’t see any problems with this plan.

Did you fall asleep eating as a kid? Any funny photos asleep at the dinner table?

What do you actually get from worrying?

Last week I was worried. I stayed up late fretting. My mind went over and over each little detail hoping it could find one positive outcome.

As I drove to work the next morning, I wondered What did I actually get from worrying? I got:

Less sleep than I wanted
A crappy evening that I could have spent reading or relaxing
No practical resolution
Lots of stress pumping through my body.

So I decided not to worry any more. (Easier said than done, I know). But next time I want to worry, I think I’ll try turning to a good book or movie instead.

How to save money: Dream Bucket

Feel like a coffee? candy bar? magazine? No problem! With a simple swipe of a card, it’s yours.

None of those things sound extravagant, but after enough of them (plus a dab of interest — who am I kidding: A LOT of interest) and you’ve got a couple grand on the credit card.

That’s why my wife and I went on a budget — not a strict, count-every-penny budget, but a weekly allowance for entertainment and fun things. We call this allowance our “Dream Bucket” because any left over money each week gets saved towards a dream purchase.

For a long time, we didn’t think we had the money to buy the things we wanted. (New fancy dresses and travel can cost a lot!) But we realized it wasn’t our income that was off, but our spending priorities. $5 coffees, $2 candy bars, $10 lunches out didn’t seem like much, but they’ve actually turned into weekend trips and nice clothes.

What I love about the Dream Bucket is that I find myself weighing each purchase against saving for my dream purchase. $5 coffees every day can quickly turn into a cocktail dress and $2 candy bars transform into a weekend hotel room… particularly if you go through as much chocolate as I do! By weighing each tiny purchase against saving that money for a dream purchase, we have saved tons of money and bought more of what we want. I’m much happier now that I’m spending my money on things that I love instead of mindlessly buying snacks.

So get started today: what do you really want to buy? How can you afford it? Where is your money actually going? What are your little guilty pleasures? How much do you actually spend on snacks and meals out each week?

Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

I grew up opening presents family presents on Christmas Eve and stockings from Santa on Christmas Day. I’m not sure if my parents gave up on making us wait or if that was simply their tradition. I always liked that because then you had all Christmas day to play with your toys.

My wife grew up opening gifts on Christmas day. She loved the excitement of waking up and tearing through all of your gifts. There was so much excitement piled into one morning.

As a family, we’ve chosen to blend the two traditions. We open many of the gifts on Christmas Eve, but usually save the big presents for the next morning with Santa’s gifts. After getting married, I’m always amazed by the number of traditions you’re used to that might be slightly different than how your spouse did them. Everyone grows up thinking their family is normal, but normal is different for everyone. (At least my wife and I agree on the toilet paper going over the roll!)

When do you open presents?

Travel Tips for Long Flights

Since I’m from America and my wife is from New Zealand, we have had our share of long distance flights. Here are some tips for making the best of your plane ride:

Bring Water: In the middle of the night, nothing is more uncomfortable than being thirsty and waiting for a steward to get you some. Bring an empty bottle through security and fill it up at a drinking fountain before boarding.

Spend a bit extra for a nice flight time: If I already have to save $1200 for a flight, it’s worth it to me to spend an extra $100 to get the flight with fewest layovers or best departure time. I prefer leaving before so I can eat their meal and then crash.

Know how you sleep: What does it take for you to fall asleep? A comfortable pillow? Sleeping pill? Warm blanket? Snack? Figure out what you need and make sure you have it packed. I like a blow up pillow for my neck.

Pick your seat with sleep in mind: I generally like isle seats because I can stick my very longs legs into the isle so I don’t feel as squashed. But on long flights, I always take a window seat so I can lean against them. Pick your seat accordingly. Isle = easiest for bathrooms, stretching legs, but others wake you when they get up. Window = colder, better view, can rest head against wall, but not good for small bladders or pacers. Middle = never really a good option unless you want to sit next to an isle/window person.

Also, be careful where you sit on the plane. Sometimes the very last row and rows around the emergency exit don’t recline. Also keep in mind the location of the lavatories. Will the light and slamming of doors keep you awake? It’s hard to know where babies will sit, but many large planes have bassinets near the front of the plane.

Do you need entertainment? My wife knows she’ll never be able to sleep, so she always packs a book with her. I don’t bother since I’m never up longer than it takes to eat.

Practice sleeping while sitting upright: Use meetings at work as a great practice for sleeping upright in a chair. (Just kidding!)

Parents: Good luck. Make sure you have food, water, entertainment, diapers, pacifiers and blankets packed. Try to time flights with their nature bedtime or naps. Tire them out before you leave or in the terminal so they are ready to sleep on the plane. And if all else fails, claim you have no idea why these kids keep following you around.

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