Babies have to learn a lot of stuff

Babies have to learn a lot of stuff, don’t they? I obviously knew that my son would have bad table manners and not quite know how to use a toilet when he was born… but it’s shocking to see how many other things he doesn’t know.

His grasp on world geography is shaky at best. His multiplication tables are horrendous. He doesn’t really know how to smile, use his hands or even hold his neck up. Sometimes he forgets how to fall asleep and it’s rumored he doesn’t even know I exist when he can’t see me.

Thankfully, it took me a while to grasp all of this (I’m told), so he’ll be fine. But man, it makes me realize just how far I have come — even if I never learned how to spell along the way….

The first dessert I remember

Rocky Road Pizza courtesy of Pillsbury.com

What’s the first dessert you vividly remember eating? My first was a rocky-road pizza my mother made for my 9th (?) birthday. I know I had eaten a lot of sugar by then, but for some reason I still can recall every detail of that cake.

It was the first time my mind had been blown away. How could a pizza be sweet? Can you just put anything on a crust and call it a pizza? I was enthralled by how the the rocky-road pizza looked so much like a pizza even though it wasn’t one. It was a textural sensation with chips, chunks and crumbles all held together with a marshmallow goo.

I can’t remember if I overly liked it because we never had it again. Chocolate chip cookies, ice-creams and little chocolates were much more the norm. But it made an impression on me and made me feel like the king of the world for my birthday — sometimes that’s all that really matters.

The Basic Needs – As Seen Through Parenting

Parenting has forced my wife and I to come face-to-face with basic human needs. Not only does our son rely on us 100% for his care, but he has challenged my wife and I to meet ours… most noticeably: sleep!

It made me realize how much I have taken food, shelter, warmth, water, and sleep for granted. I have been fortunate enough that those things have always been available. For that, I am extremely grateful. When you are surrounded by people who have everything they need, it’s very easy to realize that some people around the world go without.

Everyday I spent with my son, I’m surprised by how much I have learned from him.

How I learned to love dark chocolate

For thirty years I was a die-hard milk chocolate fanatic. I didn’t hurt that my grocery store was next to a movie theater and always sold cheap, sugary chocolate bars for a quarter. I didn’t understand why those la-de-dah dark chocolate freaks wanted to eat something so bitter.

Then I met a dark chocolate apostle who changed my life. Not only was he aghast by how much sugar I consumed, but he was equally worried about the percentage of milk chocolate I was consuming. He told me that anyone who loved dessert as much as I did really needed to try dark chocolate. It was just a fluke or sign of my culinary adolescence that I liked milk chocolate.

However, not being a fool, he put his money where his mouth was and purchased a different dark chocolate bar for us to share each week. He started me off easy with delights like Lindt Dark Chocolate truffles. The smooth bitterness of its liquid fudge dripped through my brain and clogged the milk-chocolate-loving sensors. We sampled Baci balls — hazelnut was a rare milk chocolate flavor and I found myself more intrigued by the strange nut than the bitter cocoa. He even appealed to my literary side with Chocolove poems.

Somehow between all the new flavors, discussion of what we were eating and his sincere offer to expand my chocolate mind, I realized I had never given dark chocolate an honest try. My last real attempt was a Hereshy’s Mini Special Dark when I was 8 (and loved to suck sugar cubes). There was a whole world of desserts, tastes and textures that I knew nothing about. It was like looking down at an industrious swarm of ants and seeing a new, exciting hive of activity you had never noticed before.

Ever since that fall, I have been hooked. I have attempted different cocoa percentages and learned many lessons the hard way (like 99% cocoa is inedible bitter)… and my life has been richer for it… not because dark is better than milk, but because you should always question everything you do. You never know when that curiosity will lead you to a great discovery, like it lead me to dark chocolate.

The highs and lows of parenting

Before I had a son, my life (emotionally) was pretty consistent. I had good days and bad days like everyone else, but a bad day was no worse than a tiring deadline at work or the supermarket running low on my favorite yogurt. The good days were a beautiful hike in the mountains. (And best of all, the bad day would always vanish with a great night’s sleep!)

But ever since I became a father the highs have been tremendous and the lows pretty rotten. Feeling your son nestle into you or watching his little hands wrap around your index finger is indescribably thrilling. But after a long day of crying and no sleep, the last thing you want is for him to decide to soil himself explosively while you are in the middle of a changing… twice.

I wasn’t prepared for how dramatic life has become since him…. but I guess this is all just preparation for when he is old enough to date!

Children are constant change

After eight years of a very static life, I was thrown into a constant vortex of change when I moved to New Zealand. Since then, I have moved a dozen times, had four jobs, lived in three cities and got married. Nat bad for a few years, eh?

But none of that comes remotely close to the change I have experienced since the birth of my first child. Before my son, I had about 1 hour of baby holding under my belt — and 0 diaper changes. Since my son, I have had to learn what he wants, how to sooth him, how to change him, and quite frankly how to care for his every need.

My wife and I have experimented, changed schedules, slept for only hours at a time and been forced to constantly adjust as soon as we knew what was happening (Figured out diapers? He’s now between sizes and wants to wet every pair of clothes we put him in. Figured out sleep schedules? Time to start up your day job. Etc, etc, etc).

But all of this is great. After all, when Darwin said “survival of the fittest”, he wasn’t talking about the strongest, smartest, prettiest or cleverest person — he was talking about the most adaptable… and there’s no better instructor of change than a child.

Tips For Living Abroad in New Zealand

I spent two working holidays in New Zealand that changed my life… but along the way I accumulated some practical advice for others who want to live aboard there… Here are all the little things I learned that would have made my working holiday more comfortable.

GETTING YOUR VISA: There are two ways to get your visa: the government or Bunac. You can get a 1 year working holiday visa through the NZ Government if you’re under 30. The form is relatively easy and the fees are very affordable. If you’re 35 or under, you can apply through Bunac. They take care of the visa, have services to get your feet on the ground, but cost a bit more.

TEMPERATURE: New Zealand has a temperate climate (yay!), but because of that there isn’t as much heating, cooling or insulation. 60-80 may sound like perfect summer weather, but bring some warmer clothes and jackets since the homes can dip down at night, in winter or when a dreaded “southerly” strikes. It was strange to be cold INSIDE instead of cold OUTSIDE (like Minnesota).

CELL PHONES: Cells had NO unlimited nights or weekends when I was there (which is changing)… and the DIALER pays cell phone charges. The upside is that all incoming calls are free, but the downside is making a call from your cell phone to another cell phone is really expensive — thus everyone texts. Check out Vodafone for an unlimited texting plan or 2 Degrees for cheap a la cart texting. Be careful or you’ll learn to love texting like I did in NZ.

MEDICINE: If you have any favorite over the counter medicines, I would consider bringing a few days worth with you… nothing is more frustrating than looking for medicine when you’re sick and not knowing where to start (since “Chemists” sell medicine).

SHOPPING: Malls and massive stores are less common. Everything is smaller, more dispersed, more “ma and pa” like. I found it hard to find things since it wasn’t “down just a few isles”. It was surprising to see stores devoted just to nuts, rubber stamps or t-shirts. Kiwis also love their thrift stores (“the sellies”). I got most of my furnishings from the Salvation Army and returned it back there when I left.

COMMUNICATING BACK HOME: My skype phone number was really helpful. It was $5-10 per month and I could contact American businesses and friends. It was handy for giving people a phone number to call me back and leave messages.

WASHING: Air drying clothes is still popular in New Zealand… many of the flats I looked at only had washing machines…. if you do air dry clothes, make sure you start a few days before you need the clothes or you’ll be ironing underwear to dry it. New Zealand is a humid climate and clothes can take 5 days to dry.

HOUSING: I stayed a hostel when I first landed. They had affordable shared rooms with bunk beds. Tell the hostel if you plan to be a long-term visitor because they often have weekly rates or rooms specifically for long term guests. Hostels were also a great place to meet other travelers.

If you’re interested in FLATTING, they rent by the week (so no, that gorgeous room is NOT $150 per month!) If the room is sublet by other tenants (which is common) you’ll be walking into a popularity contest as they pick who they want to live with. Actual landlords and leases have minimum lengths, so only consider them if you’re planning to stay put. THE place for finding a flat (and almost anything else) is trademe.co.nz, which is half ebay, and half craig’s list.

JOBS: You need an IRD number for most jobs (basically a SSN for tax withholding). You should apply for one as soon as you arrive.

RESUMES: New Zealand seems to like word-ier resumes than America… Instead of staccato bullet points, don’t be afraid to have a 2+ page resume that goes into all the details that would bore American businessmen. The unemployment office helps citizens with resumes (not sure if they help foreigners).

BANKING: I was mortified that you had to PAY MONEY in New Zealand to allow a bank to hold your money (while they earned interest off of it). I eventually chose ASB because they had free “internet banking” — provided you don’t want to use a teller much.

New Zealand’s EFTPOS banking system (think debit card) is wicked cool. It’s everywhere, it’s easy… and it’s so convenient to transfer money to another person at any other bank. I had many friends who would get tickets for a group of people and then ask everyone to transfer money into their account. I’m still waiting for America to catch up with an inter-bank system like this.

ACCESSING YOUR AMERICAN MONEY: Depending on who you bank with in America, how you access your money will vary. My CREDIT CARD offered really great exchange rates, so I charged most things and then paid my credit card with my American bank account online. I also used my ATM CARD to withdraw money. My bank refunds all ATM fees, so it was very cheap for me to withdraw cash from the ATMS (when the exchange rate was reasonable). The final method is a WIRE TRANSFER. It always has the best rate, but you need an American account and a New Zealand account. You also need to be in America (or have someone in America to do it, or transfer your American money to a very trustworthy family member to transfer to your New Zealand account). Because of all the rigamarole to get this transfer to work, I didn’t bother. Plus, it’s only worth while if you transfer a big chunk of money (since it often has a $50 one-time fee).

TRAVEL: If you are planning to travel around New Zealand, here are some good travel websites to start with:

www.airnewzealand.co.nz (flights between every city)
www.jetstar.co.nz (flights between major cities)
www.nakedbus.co.nz (bus travel)
www.jucy.co.nz (car rentals are cheaper since you don’t need to worry as much about insurance, but gas is pricey)

To get an idea of travel prices, it took about $80 USD and 1 hour to fly from Wellington to Auckland… about 12 hours to bus or car. Buses were about $12 USD and cars were $20 USD/day plus gas.

First Day at Milk Camp

This week I dropped my wife and child off at a breast-feeding mother/baby group. As I left the building, I had this little feeling that my son was all grown-up. He was off on his own for an hour feeding and burping with his mum and there was nothing I could do… I just had to trust that everything would be okay and that he would be fine so far from me.

I know it’s a bit silly since his mum was right there, but it was the first time I was ever separated from him and it felt like a preview of sending him off to school…. what a scary, but exciting day that will be! How do other parents do it?!

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