* Why did the doughnut visit the dentist?
– He needed a chocolate filling!

* What do you call stolen cocoa?
– Hot chocolate!

* What fruit loves chocolate?
– A cocoa-nut!

* What did the astronaut say when he stepped on a chocolate bar?
– I just set foot on Mars!

* Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
– He wanted chocolate milk!

* Which chocolate is in the baseball Hall of Fame?
– Babe Ruth!

* What dessert can fly a spaceship?
– A Chocolate Chip Wookiee!

* How can you tell there are chocolate chip cookies in the oven?
– There are M&M shells all over the floor!

* When is an apple grouchy?
– When it’s a crab apple!

* Why did the apple cry?
– It’s peelings were hurt!

* What Apple isn’t an Apple?
– A Pineapple!

* What did the apple skin say to the apple?
– I’ve got you covered

* What reads and lives in apples?
– Bookworms!

* What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
– Finding half a worm!

* How do you make an apple turnover?
– Roll it down hill!

* What is the left side of an apple?
– The part that you don’t eat!

* Why didn’t the worm go to Noah’s ark in an apple?
– Everyone had to go in PAIRS!

* What’s a pirate’s favorite cheese?
-Chedd-AAARGH!

* What do you call sad cheese?
– Blue cheese!

* What did the queen say when a man threw cheese at her?
– How dairy!

* What do you call cheese that is acting crazy?
– A basket queso!

* What’s the pope’s favorite cheese?
– Swiss. It’s holy!

Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Cheese!
Cheese Who?
Cheese a jolly good fellow!

* What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
– Nacho Cheese!

* What do witches put on their bagels?
– Scream cheese!

* When should you keep an eye on your cheese?
– When it’s up to no Gouda!

* What cheese is made backwards?
– Edam!

* Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?
– It had grater plans!

* What did the cheese say before having its picture taken?
– People!

* Why doesn’t cheddar like to party with crackers?
– Someone always cuts the cheese!

* What do polar bears eat for lunch?
– Ice berg-ers!

* What’s a potato’s motto?
– If at first you don’t succeed, fry, fry again!

* How do you stop someone from stealing your grill?
– With a burger alarm!

* How do you make a hamburger laugh?
– Pickle it!

* What day do potatoes hate the most?
– Fry-day!

* Did you hear about the hamburger patty who told funny jokes?
– He was on a roll!

* Where were the first French Fries made?
– In Greece!

* Why was the cheeseburger sad?
– It had blue cheese!

* What do you call a pig thief?
– A hamburglar!

* What do you call a nice french fry?
– A sweet potato!

* How do flocks of crows stay together?
– Vel-crow!

* How does a penguin build a house?
– Igloos it together!

* Why was the crow on a telephone pole?
– He wanted to make a caw!

* What do you get if you cross a parrot and a shark?
– A bird that talks your ear off!

* Why did the owl say, “Tweet, tweet?”
– He didn’t give a hoot!

* What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
– A fire-quaker!

* How does a penguin make pancakes?
– With flippers!

* Someone said you sounded like an owl.
– Who?

* Why do pelicans carry fish in their beaks?
– They don’t have any pockets!

* Who’s a penguin’s favorite Aunt?
– Aunt-Arctica!

* What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb?
– A bald eagle.

* What’s an owl’s favorite subject?
– Owl-gebra!

* Where do penguins watch movies?
– At dive-in theatres!

* What do you call a funny chicken?
– A comedi-hen!

* What do you give a sick pig?
– Oink-ment!

* Why did the house go to the doctor?
– It had a window pane!

* Doctor, Doctor! How do I stop my nose from running?
– Stick your foot out and trip it!

* What does a dentist call his X-rays?
– Tooth pics!

* When does a doctor get mad?
– When he runs out of patients!

* Why did the bee keeper go to the doctor?
– She had hives!

* Doctor, Doctor! I feel like an apple.
– We’ll get to the core of this!

* Did you hear about the boy who felt like a pony?
– He was just a little hoarse!

* What did the doctor say to the patient after surgery?
– That’s enough out of you!

* What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
– 2:30 (Tooth hurty!)

* What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
– Let’s dress up! The doctor is taking us out!

* Doctor, Doctor! My son just swallowed a roll of film!
– Let’s hope nothing develops!

* Why didn’t the girl say she ate glue?
– Her lips were sealed!

* What’s white, furry, and shaped like a tooth?
– A molar bear!

* Doctor, Doctor! I think I’m a burglar!
– Have you taken anything for it?

* What do you give a sick bird?
– Tweet-ment!

* Where does a boat go when it’s sick?
– To the dock!

* Why did the book go to the doctor?
– He broke his spine!

* What did the psychologist say to the curtain?
– Pull yourself together!

* What do you call a cow in the back yard?
– A lawn moo-er!

* What do call a cow that just gave birth?
– De-calf-enated!

* What do you call a sleeping bull?
– A bull-dozer!

* Where do Russians get their milk?
– From Mos-cows!

* What do you call a cow with two legs?
– Lean beef!

* Why do cows wear bells?
– Their horns don’t work!

* What do you call a cow you can’t see?
– Ca-moo-flauged!

* What do you get from a pampered cow?
– Spoiled milk!

* Where do cows ride on a train?
– The cow-boose!

* What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
– A coat!

* What did the cow say to the farmer?
– You butter milk me soon or I’m going to cream you!

* What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk?
– An udder failure!

* What do cows get when they are sick?
– Hay Fever

* What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?
– A Moo-sician!

* How do bulls drive cars?
– They steer them!

* What do you call cows with a sense of humor?
– Laughing stock!

* Where do cows go for entertainment?
– To the moo-vies!

* What do you call a cow with full armor?
– Sir Loin!

* What did the cow say when he heard a moo?
– I was just about to say the same thing!

* What do you call a grumpy cow?
– Moo-dy!

* What did mama cow say to baby cow?
– It’s pasture bedtime!

* What do you call a cow with no legs?
– Ground beef!

* What do cows play at concerts?
– Moo-sic!

* Why don’t cows have money?
– The farmer milks them dry!

* What happened to the lost cattle?
– Nobody’s herd! (Or… the farmer tractor down!)

* What do you call a cow with a twitch?
– Beef Jerky!

* Why was the cow a baker?
– He loved making cow pies.

* What do cows fly to the moon?
– Heli-cow-pters and Bull-oons!