Glow Word Books Blog

How do you overcome adversity?

My wife and I live a drama-free life with stable friends because we both thrive off of peaceful environments. But this summer we had a horrible month where everything went wrong. Basically we had to move twice and lost a lot of money in the process.

I know this is a zero on the human tragedy scale, but I’m fortunate to consider it a bad event in my life. I’ve struggled to move on because a part of me still wants to sue everyone possible. I know that isn’t the answer, so here are some ideas that helped me move on and find closure.

Do you want happiness or justice? I’m upset because I still feel wronged, but justice isn’t happiness. I could challenge a lot of this in court and potentially get some money back — but would that money bring me happiness? Probably not. The money feels important now but it’s just small change compared to a lifetime of working. Plus, a court case would draw everything out and rob me of time with my family (which is far more valuable).

How does the adversity affect you now? All of this was hard at the time and made for a stressful month, but it doesn’t affect me now. I can choose to be happy now. I still have a lovely family, friends, job, roof over my head, etc.

What do you love to do? What dreams do you have? What excites you? What makes your life feel fulfilled? When I think about these questions, each of them becomes a concrete path to long-term happiness. Whenever I feel myself dwelling on last month, I try to focus on my dreams instead.

What “unhappiness triggers” are around you? I had letters, bills, documents, notes pertaining to that month and every time I walked passed them they reminded me of the whole ordeal and my mind jumped into an endless loop of despair… so I buried them deep in a box. I don’t want to be constantly reminded of that month. I replaced that stack of papers with a picture my wife had drawn for me.

I hope these ideas can help because they were useful to me. But mostly, I hope the adversity in your life is as painless and fleeting as mine was.

I rediscovered Baby Steps while dancing

This week while dancing, I started at one end of the room with tiny (like an inch or two!) consistent steps. At first I didn’t think much about them… I had finished a whirlwind of chaotically quick songs and was ready to catch my breath.

I was surprised when the song ended because I was almost at the other side of the room. How did that happen? I had been staring at the floor and barely moving my feet! That’s when the power of “baby steps” really sunk in. Unclimbable mountains are conquerable as long as you focus on the tiny step at hand… instead of the great distance to the other side of the room.

For me, this will change how I approach writing. I sometimes get overwhelmed by the thought of creating a whole new book from scratch, so I drag my feet (and get a lot of household chores done!). However, now I am energized to keep giving it my best every day. I don’t need to write a whole book today… just an inch of it… and before I know it the other side of the room will be within reach.

Remember to use your five senses

Double Rainbow
Great news! We all have five senses, so why do we forget to use them?

I’m amazed how often I pound down my dinner without even tasting it, drive to work without stopping near a grove of red maple leaves, or turn on background music without realizing it’s on. (That last one might be for the better considering it’s Yanni.)

Our senses are our only immediate connection to the physical world, so it’s a shame we don’t use actually them…. I think it’s because our brains run a muck. They tell us we need to get to places faster or that it’s more efficient to pick up food that doesn’t even taste that good. That way we can focus on what the brain wants us to do more. We’re so busy listening to our brains that we forget about the beautiful world we live in.

I’m sick of it. The last year, I have started to follow my senses. I have slowed down and eaten a peach with my eyes closed so I could really taste the juice. I stopped and watched a double rainbow on the drive home. I went hiking and heard the crunch of the Earth below me. Not only does my time feel more meaningful and ceremonious when I listen to my senses, but I feel more relaxed. I feel more in sync with what it means to be a human.

So cook your favorite meal, eat it at your dining room table and put your fork down throughout the meal… let me know what you think….

Is brown period blood normal? Yes!

When I first got my period, my blood was brown for the first month, which really confused me.

I was way too embarrassed to ask if it was normal. It took all the courage I had to announce to my mother that I had my period. I couldn’t imagine summoning the bravery to ask her if my period was considered normal.

Luckily for me, I had my answer next month, when my period changed to a normal red colour. But I was still left with plenty of other questions like how to insert tampons.

I had been given a pamphlet about periods, but that didn’t cut it for me. I wanted to know a lot of things the pamphlet didn’t cover. What I really needed was the guts to talk to my mother. But because I believed that periods were something to be embarrassed about, I suffered in silence.

My dream is that girls will have the courage to talk to their mothers (or other women they trust) about periods. Periods are a natural part of life and there’s no reason to be scared of them…. but they’re so different than everything else you experienced as a kid that a few comforting conversations can make all the difference.

What we can learn from peek-a-boo

My son has just started to sort of play peek-a-boo. As an adult, it’s hard to believe he actually thinks I vanish when I pull the blanket over my face. (And what a scary world it must be if everything disappears forever when you turn your head!)

But peek-a-boo got me thinking about a hard time in my life after college. I had moved to a new city. I was unhappy. I was lonely. In many ways, it felt like all of my friends — my whole world in fact — had disappeared. The only time it would reappear was the weekend when I would drive a few hours to see old friends.

I may have learned that objects exist when I closed my eyes, but emotionally I hadn’t mastered the game of peek-a-boo. I felt happiest on the weekends when I was back with familiar friends and places. It was hard for me to keep that joy and positivity the rest of the week when the blanket was pulled over my head.

Peek-a-boo has made me realize that friends and family are always there to help… and that you’re rarely alone when communication is so easily accessible. You just have to remember to have meaningful, real conversations — not status updates about the toast you had for breakfast (which happened to be a bit dry, by the way).

What to do when loosing hope about writing

Sometimes I look at my writing career compared to JK Rowling or Tolkien and wonder, “What’s the point?”. When we started indie-publishing, I figured books just flew off the shelf — you just had to finish them. I’ve been surprised by how much work it takes to get the word out about new books (but I’m glad I didn’t know how much effort it took or I may have never started).

In the pit of marketing despair I always realize that I’m am upset because I was excited about writing for the wrong reasons. I love writing because I love to write…. I think of all the happy memories writing in the Wellington Library, my black lazy-boy chair and now with my son sleeping on my lap. That’s why I write… and that’s also why you should do anything.

If you tie your happiness to goals you don’t have much control over (like getting everyone to like you), then you’re bound to be miserable. But if you tie your happiness to things you can work towards (like deciding to write every night), life becomes a lot more enjoyable…. and it’s much easier to get through the harder times!

I am Exhausted

Tired Dog

I am exhausted today. We had wonderful company visiting all weekend… I’m in the middle of a complex problem at work… I’m doing final edits on a new book… and I’ve come to realize that babies take a fair bit of attention as well.

Sitting here in the dark, I’m not sure which part of my brain is still typing or how the keys are depressing on my laptop. Perhaps it’s the final surge of sugar left from the coated pretzels I got at the grocery store. I had been eying them up for a month and finally decided to buy them: definitely the right decision.

If you’re looking for a poignant ending to this post, you’ll have to stay tuned for tomorrow. As I mentioned before, I’m exhausted today.

Cosby Show: Rudy’s First Period Helps Girls With Theirs

Courtesy of the Cosby Show

I remember the first time Rudy got her period on the Cosby Show. I had always wanted to be a member of that family — well who didn’t? There was always so much laughter and love floating around. I was very interested to see how they would deal with their daughter’s first period. Would it be in a way that I would have enjoyed?

Mrs. Huxtable declared that she wanted Rudy’s experience to be better than hers. She didn’t want Rudy believing all the rubbish her friends would have told her, such as sharks would follow you to the shore if you swam in the ocean. So Mrs. Huxtable decided to have a woman’s day for her daughters: a special day where they could choose to do whatever they wanted. Vanessa went out for dinner in the city, but Rudy was embarrassed and was not interested in celebrating.

As an adult looking back, I can understand both points of views. As a mother and someone who has years of periods under her belt, I know periods are nothing to be embarrassed by. They are something to be celebrated (and something that allowed me to have a beautiful son). But I also vividly remember when I was eleven and scared. It was so tough to talk to anyone about “woman stuff” — even though I had so many questions.

I am grateful that the script writers weren’t scared to have an open dialogue about periods in a time when it was never mentioned on television. It was refreshing that they focused on a real mother-daughter relationship instead of making easy cramp/headache jokes. Thanks!

The more we talk about periods, the more they are included in our culture in a positive way — that means girls hopefully won’t be so scared and alone when they have their first period. That was the goal of my book, On The Day I Got My Period, and I’m also glad that was the goal of the Cosby’s.

Glow Word Books Blog

Authors Steve & Natasha