Glow Word Books

Glow Word Books Blog

The highs and lows of parenting

zig zag graph up
Before I had a son, my life (emotionally) was pretty consistent. I had good days and bad days like everyone else, but a bad day was no worse than a tiring deadline at work or the supermarket running low on my favorite yogurt. The good days were a beautiful hike in the mountains. (And best of all, the bad day would always vanish with a great night’s sleep!)

But ever since I became a father the highs have been tremendous and the lows pretty rotten. Feeling your son nestle into you or watching his little hands wrap around your index finger is indescribably thrilling. But after a long day of crying and no sleep, the last thing you want is for him to decide to soil himself explosively while you are in the middle of a changing… twice.

I wasn’t prepared for how dramatic life has become since him…. but I guess this is all just preparation for when he is old enough to date!

Thousands of days spent with my period but only an hour of education

Group of Women

Here’s a mathematics problem for you:

From my eleventh birthday when I got my period until my thirty-second birthday when I got pregnant, I have gotten my period every month.  So how many days have I had my period so far?

5 day long periods x  21 years x 12 months = 1260 days.

Seeing as that was so much fun,  let’s do some more:

How many hours was I educated about periods?

There was one hour of health class when I was ten where I shown how a tampon expands in water….

And the 5-minute chat my mother gave me, explaining where she keeps the tampons.

Then there was half an hour spent listening to my girlfriends talk about cramps or headaches that were caused by their periods.

So to summarize, for the last 1260 days I experienced my period, I had roughly an hour and a half of discussion. But more shocking is that I have spent zero days, zero hours and zero minutes having meaningful conversation about my period or support.

So the real question is: does it matter? Aren’t periods just tampons, headaches and cramps.  Can’t they be cured with a hot water bottle and that magical cocoa bean. Do we really need to talk about periods? Yes!

I believe society’s lack of discussion about menstruation is actually a troubling epidemic of silence surrounding womanhood in general.

This was something I was unaware of until a year ago, when I had tea with an older English friend of mine.  She had just started menopause and divulged to me that, menopause is a very lonely time because nobody talk about it.  (It’s too much of a “taboo topic”).

Her comment made me realize we don’t talk about womanhood at all, which starts way back with our first period.

We are taught that womanhood and periods are something to be embarrassed about. Because of this, any question we really need answered (in order for us not to feel alone or frightened) gets left unanswered.  It seems scarier to face a pack of woman eating tigers than talking to other woman about periods.

I was so scared my ten year old niece would be telling her friends at menopause how lonely she’s felt that I sent a request to my friends from around the world asking them to share the story of their first periods.  My hope was my niece could see that there is a whole world of woman wisdom and support she can access so that she doesn’t have to go through womanhood alone.

Women are the best place for support given we have all been through it.  What I learnt was that whether you’re in Taiwan, Ireland or New Zealand, we all need to start sharing.

“On The Day I Got My Period” is about sharing and starting conversations, which is why I left the last chapter of the book blank for mothers to share the story of their first periods with their daughters.

So check out the stories, but more importantly, start sharing yours.

Children are constant change

Baby Hand In Hand
After eight years of a very static life, I was thrown into a constant vortex of change when I moved to New Zealand. Since then, I have moved a dozen times, had four jobs, lived in three cities and got married. Nat bad for a few years, eh?

But none of that comes remotely close to the change I have experienced since the birth of my first child. Before my son, I had about 1 hour of baby holding under my belt — and 0 diaper changes. Since my son, I have had to learn what he wants, how to sooth him, how to change him, and quite frankly how to care for his every need.

My wife and I have experimented, changed schedules, slept for only hours at a time and been forced to constantly adjust as soon as we knew what was happening (Figured out diapers? He’s now between sizes and wants to wet every pair of clothes we put him in. Figured out sleep schedules? Time to start up your day job. Etc, etc, etc).

But all of this is great. After all, when Darwin said “survival of the fittest”, he wasn’t talking about the strongest, smartest, prettiest or cleverest person — he was talking about the most adaptable… and there’s no better instructor of change than a child.

My First Book Signing

signature

I don’t think you ever forget your first book signing. I had planned to drop off the book and be on my way, when I was asked for my first signature. I panicked, not really sure what to write. She had a point: what’s the point of knowing the author if you don’t get a signature. There was no way to wiggle out of it.

My heart fluttered like my first kiss… I wanted it to be special and memorable, but I was a bit embarrassed and didn’t know what to write. This was my first signing… my scribbles would be eternally etched to the page with no chance of a second draft.

After I finished, I thought off a hundred great things to write… but there was no going back… and thankfully, like kissing, you get better with practice….

Tips For Living Abroad in New Zealand

Milford Sound

I spent two working holidays in New Zealand that changed my life… but along the way I accumulated some practical advice for others who want to live aboard there… Here are all the little things I learned that would have made my working holiday more comfortable.

GETTING YOUR VISA: There are two ways to get your visa: the government or Bunac. You can get a 1 year working holiday visa through the NZ Government if you’re under 30. The form is relatively easy and the fees are very affordable. If you’re 35 or under, you can apply through Bunac. They take care of the visa, have services to get your feet on the ground, but cost a bit more.

TEMPERATURE: New Zealand has a temperate climate (yay!), but because of that there isn’t as much heating, cooling or insulation. 60-80 may sound like perfect summer weather, but bring some warmer clothes and jackets since the homes can dip down at night, in winter or when a dreaded “southerly” strikes. It was strange to be cold INSIDE instead of cold OUTSIDE (like Minnesota).

CELL PHONES: Cells had NO unlimited nights or weekends when I was there (which is changing)… and the DIALER pays cell phone charges. The upside is that all incoming calls are free, but the downside is making a call from your cell phone to another cell phone is really expensive — thus everyone texts. Check out Vodafone for an unlimited texting plan or 2 Degrees for cheap a la cart texting. Be careful or you’ll learn to love texting like I did in NZ.

MEDICINE: If you have any favorite over the counter medicines, I would consider bringing a few days worth with you… nothing is more frustrating than looking for medicine when you’re sick and not knowing where to start (since “Chemists” sell medicine).

SHOPPING: Malls and massive stores are less common. Everything is smaller, more dispersed, more “ma and pa” like. I found it hard to find things since it wasn’t “down just a few isles”. It was surprising to see stores devoted just to nuts, rubber stamps or t-shirts. Kiwis also love their thrift stores (“the sellies”). I got most of my furnishings from the Salvation Army and returned it back there when I left.

COMMUNICATING BACK HOME: My skype phone number was really helpful. It was $5-10 per month and I could contact American businesses and friends. It was handy for giving people a phone number to call me back and leave messages.

WASHING: Air drying clothes is still popular in New Zealand… many of the flats I looked at only had washing machines…. if you do air dry clothes, make sure you start a few days before you need the clothes or you’ll be ironing underwear to dry it. New Zealand is a humid climate and clothes can take 5 days to dry.

HOUSING: I stayed a hostel when I first landed. They had affordable shared rooms with bunk beds. Tell the hostel if you plan to be a long-term visitor because they often have weekly rates or rooms specifically for long term guests. Hostels were also a great place to meet other travelers.

If you’re interested in FLATTING, they rent by the week (so no, that gorgeous room is NOT $150 per month!) If the room is sublet by other tenants (which is common) you’ll be walking into a popularity contest as they pick who they want to live with. Actual landlords and leases have minimum lengths, so only consider them if you’re planning to stay put. THE place for finding a flat (and almost anything else) is trademe.co.nz, which is half ebay, and half craig’s list.

JOBS: You need an IRD number for most jobs (basically a SSN for tax withholding). You should apply for one as soon as you arrive.

RESUMES: New Zealand seems to like word-ier resumes than America… Instead of staccato bullet points, don’t be afraid to have a 2+ page resume that goes into all the details that would bore American businessmen. The unemployment office helps citizens with resumes (not sure if they help foreigners).

BANKING: I was mortified that you had to PAY MONEY in New Zealand to allow a bank to hold your money (while they earned interest off of it). I eventually chose ASB because they had free “internet banking” — provided you don’t want to use a teller much.

New Zealand’s EFTPOS banking system (think debit card) is wicked cool. It’s everywhere, it’s easy… and it’s so convenient to transfer money to another person at any other bank. I had many friends who would get tickets for a group of people and then ask everyone to transfer money into their account. I’m still waiting for America to catch up with an inter-bank system like this.

ACCESSING YOUR AMERICAN MONEY: Depending on who you bank with in America, how you access your money will vary. My CREDIT CARD offered really great exchange rates, so I charged most things and then paid my credit card with my American bank account online. I also used my ATM CARD to withdraw money. My bank refunds all ATM fees, so it was very cheap for me to withdraw cash from the ATMS (when the exchange rate was reasonable). The final method is a WIRE TRANSFER. It always has the best rate, but you need an American account and a New Zealand account. You also need to be in America (or have someone in America to do it, or transfer your American money to a very trustworthy family member to transfer to your New Zealand account). Because of all the rigamarole to get this transfer to work, I didn’t bother. Plus, it’s only worth while if you transfer a big chunk of money (since it often has a $50 one-time fee).

TRAVEL: If you are planning to travel around New Zealand, here are some good travel websites to start with:

  • www.airnewzealand.co.nz (flights between every city)
  • www.jetstar.co.nz (flights between major cities)
  • www.nakedbus.co.nz (bus travel)
  • www.jucy.co.nz (car rentals are cheaper since you don’t need to worry as much about insurance, but gas is pricey)

To get an idea of travel prices, it took about $80 USD and 1 hour to fly from Wellington to Auckland… about 12 hours to bus or car. Buses were about $12 USD and cars were $20 USD/day plus gas.

First Day at Milk Camp

Glass Of Milk
This week I dropped my wife and child off at a breast-feeding mother/baby group. As I left the building, I had this little feeling that my son was all grown-up. He was off on his own for an hour feeding and burping with his mum and there was nothing I could do… I just had to trust that everything would be okay and that he would be fine so far from me.

I know it’s a bit silly since his mum was right there, but it was the first time I was ever separated from him and it felt like a preview of sending him off to school…. what a scary, but exciting day that will be! How do other parents do it?!

Daily Morning Pages

Diary

About 5 years ago, I started writing daily morning pages. Morning pages are a journal of free-flowing thoughts.

It was most helpful for me to slip in some affirmations… mantras that helped me remember I’m an author and that it’s the little things in life that matter. Those have slowly morphed into sporadic lists of things I’m grateful for.

But I usually write on the bus to work, which made it all a bit awkward. I needed my favorite back corner bus seat or else I worried a nosey neighbor would question why I was gushing about myself.

It also meant my book of mental confessions was leaving the house. I always wonder what a thief would think if they stole a backpack filled with affirmations. Would they be inspired to like their self, or think they robbed a nutter?

Either way I have found morning pages are a great way to get everything off on the right foot. I can frame the day how I wanted it framed — instead of letting others tell me how my day will good. And best of all, a la Stuart Smalley, I’m always Good Enough, Smart Enough and Doggone It — People Like Me!