* Who helps little pumpkins cross the road to school?
– The Crossing Gourd!

* How do you get an Elephant out of your tree?
– Ask him to sit on a leaf and wait until Fall!

* What did one leaf say to another?
– I’m falling for you.

* What’s the cutest season?
– Awwwwtumn.

* What do you get if you drop a pumpkin?
– Squash!

* What did the tree say to autumn?
– Leaf me alone.

* Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
– He was “out standing in his field.”

* Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
– To make up for his terrible summer!

* What snakes are found on cars?
– Windshield vipers!

* How do snakes weigh themselves?
– With their scales!

* Why are snakes hard to trick?
– No one can pull their leg!

* Why did the boa constrictors get married?
– They had a crush on each other!

* Why couldn’t the snake talk?
– He had a frog in his throat!

* What do you get when you cross a snake and a dessert?
– A pie-thon!

* What did the snake put on his floor?
– Rep-tiles!

* What do you call a frog with no hind legs?
– Unhoppy!

* What do stylish frogs wear?
– Jumpsuits!

* What’s a frog’s favorite day?
– Leap day!

* What did one toad say to the other?
– Wart’s new!

* What has more lives that a cat?
– A frog goes croaks every night!

* Why are frogs so happy?
– They eat what bugs them!

* What happens when two frogs collide?
– They get tongue tied!

* What happens when a frog parks in a no-parking zone?
– His beetle gets toad!

* What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
– Lily!

* Why are frogs such liars?
– They are amFIBians!

* Why did the teacher stick her finger in the pool?
– She wanted to test the water!

* What is a polar bear’s favorite stroke?
– The Blubber-fly!

* Why are spiders good swimmers?
– They have webbed feet!

* Why don’t vegetarians swim in competitions?
– They hate meets!

* How do you say hi to a swimmer?
– Wave!

* Why can elephants swim whenever they want?
– They always have trunks!

* What exercise is the best for swimmers?
– Pool-ups!

* What did Cinderella wear on her feet when she went for a swim?
– Glass Flippers!

* Where do ghosts like to go swim?
– Lake Eerie or the Dead Sea!

* How is a baseball team hire a baker?
– They needed a good batter!

* What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
– Catch ya later!

* Which baseball player holds the water?
– The pitcher!

* When does the Queen watch baseball?
– If it’s a knight game!

* How do baseball players keep in touch?
– They touch base!

* What does a baseball player do when he loses his eyesight?
– Become an umpire!

* Why is Yankee Stadium the coolest place to be?
– It’s full of fans!

* What animal is best at baseball?
– The bat!

* What do baseball players eat on?
– Home plates!

* Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball?
– She had a pumpkin for a coach!

* Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?
– She ran away from the ball!

* What are the rules in zebra baseball?
– Three stripes and you’re out!

* Why didn’t the tree answer your question?
– It was stumped!

* What did the tree wear at the beach?
– Swimming trunks!

* What did the tree do when the bank closed?
– It started a new branch!

* What did the psychologist say to the tree?
– We’ll get to the root of your problem!

* Why couldn’t the tree find a date?
– He was too sappy!

* How did the boy cut the tree without any tools?
– He saw it with his own eyes!

* What kind of tree can fit into your hand?
– A palm tree!

* What did the beaver say to the tree?
– It’s been nice gnawing you!

* How do trees get on the internet?
– They log in.

* What do you call a tree with lots of friends?
– Poplar.

* What was stolen from the music store?
– A steal drum and the lute!

* Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
– In the piano!

* How do you get a tuba from the ocean?
– With a tuba diver!

* What type of music are balloons scared of?
– Pop music!

* What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
– A flat minor!

* What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
– You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

* What do you call a horse that plays the violin?
– Fiddle on the Hoof!

* Why is slippery ice like music?
– If you don’t C sharp, you’ll B flat!

* Why did Mozart sell his chickens?
– They kept saying Bach, Bach!

* How do you make a band stand?
– Take their chairs away!

* How do you fix your tuba?
– With a tuba glue!

* What is Beethoven doing right know?
– Decomposing!

* What did the pirate say when his wooden leg froze?
– Shiver me timbers!

* What was the pirate’s girlfriend called?
– Peggy!

* Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
– They spend years at C!

* When does a pirate get a new ship?
– When it’s on sail!

* How much did the pirate pay for earrings?
– A buccaneer!

* Why was the pirate good at basketball?
– He had a great hook shot!

* Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?
– The were standing on the deck!

* What did the sea say to the Pirate Captain?
– Nothing. It waved!

* How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg?
– An arm and a leg!

* Why are pirates called pirates?
– They just arrrrrgh!

* Why shouldn’t you wear a cardboard belt?
– It’s a waist of paper!

* What’s the biggest problem with snow boots?
– They melt!

* What did one hat say to the other?
– You stay here. I’ll go on ahead!

* How do you warm up a room while you’re painting?
– Give it a second coat!

* What did the house wear?
– Address!

* Why shouldn’t you wear a cardboard belt?
– It’s a waist of paper!

* What kind of jacket does an octopus wear?
– An Army Jacket!

* Why did the golfer have an extra pair of pants?
– In case he got a hole in one!