My flowers are not growing.
They’re as small as small can be.
I think they would tiny
even if I were a flea.
I read in an old book,
“They’ll grow if they are fed
a tiny drop of hot sauce”
so I soaked the flower bed.
The hot sauce worked too well.
They grew ten stories tall.
I love to admire them
… but I’m really scared for fall!
Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
I took an elephant
to the swimming pool
and learned a good lesson:
I felt just like a fool!
He always budged in line
at the diving board
and trumpeted his nose
whenever he felt bored.
He ate all of the snacks.
He drank all of the juice.
And then he yelled at me
because there was no mousse.
He forgot his towel
and told me we could share,
but it was too wet.
I had to dry with air.
He’s never going back!
His mayhem was widespread!
So tomorrow I will bring
an antelope instead.
Why did the sun go to school?
* How do you wash a dog?
– With shampoodle!
* How long are a poodle’s legs?
– Just long enough to reach the ground!
* What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
– You might step in a poodle!
* Why are poodles terrible dancers?
– They have two left feet!
* What markets should poodles avoid?
– Flea markets!
* What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
– Cockerpoodledoo!
* What does a poodle call his dad?
– Paw!
* What did the poodle say when he sat on sandpaper?
– Ruff! Ruff!
* What happens when a poodle eats too much garlic?
– His bark is much worse then his bite!
* Did you hear about the poodle that gave birth outside?
– She got a ticket for littering!
This mother’s day will be the best mom’s ever seen
with everything I’ve planned: I’ll treat her like a queen!
There’s nothing as restful as watching the sun rise,
so I’ll wake her up to my loud “Cymbal Surprise”.
To start the day off right I decided I would bake
a gummy worm, toffee, chocolate-frosted cake.
I’ve never met someone that dislikes having fun,
so we’ll play some tag when breakfasts are all done.
And if she’s feeling down, in front of the TV
I’ll sing her fifteen songs about a coughing flee.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
I’m sure you think your family
is totally bizarre,
but mine is so much stranger
than all of yours by far!
My grandma raises poodles
on the hills of Tuscany
and trains them to be waiters
for the cruise ships out at sea.
My uncle dyes his hair
to look like a snake’s skin,
then hisses like a cobra
as he hides behind a bin.
My aunt seems really shy.
She’s thoughtful and polite —
except she quacks like ducks
whenever there’s no light.
They almost can act normal
if you see them one by one
— but get them all together
and your Christmas is real fun!
Authors Steve & Natasha
