We all know that carrots give you good eyesight, but did you know that carrots also have excellent eyesight? How else could they see in their underground, mud world?

Carrots have two sets of hair: their baby hair and their adult hair. After the green baby hair pushes out of the ground, which is what humans see when they look at their gardens, it falls out and their adult hair grows in. Because we only see the baby hair that has fallen out, we think carrots are stationary, well-behaved, polite vegetables that never move — nothing could be further from the truth! Carrots are constantly on the move and build fabulous underground rooms that connect like a maze.

Since they don’t have many supplies to work with, they construct everything out of mud. They make dirt chandeliers, mud couches, mud tables, and even mud toilets — And the best way to get from one room to another is to take a mud slide! But one carrot always has to stay close to the surface to listen for harvest time — that way he can warn the other carrots to grab a hold of their baby hair and prepare to be picked!

The carrot in today’s story is named Fred Carrot and he was extremely happy . When he was on lookout duty for the carrot harvest, he heard a teenage girl blasting punk rock music from her bedroom. Fred loved punk rock and his favorite band was the one she had on: The Fertilizers.

After guard duty, Fred Carrot invited over his best-friend, who was another ground dwelling vegetable, to make chocolate mud-fins.

If Fred Carrot was so happy listening to his favorite band with his best friend, why was he constantly crying while cooking?

He was cooking with an onion!

Because people hardly ever see Big Foots (and when they do they are distracted trying to snap a photo), most humans never realized that Big Foots have tiny feet. Tom and Sandra (two married Big Foots) certainly had small feet, but somehow they gave birth to a son with enormous feet. They named him Gerald after his grandfather and treated him like any normal-foot-sized son.

Gerald grew up like any other forest-dwelling ape child and excelled at badminton, but he always felt ashamed by his feet. One day after playing badminton, he came home in tears. His parents said, “There are 46 other ape-kids like you in the world, but only one with big feet. You are special and should be proud. Embrace your specialness.”

So Gerald became obsessed with everything related to feet — especially toes. He threw out his toaster and got a toe-ster — it’s much like a normal toaster but shaped like a pinkie toe and doesn’t burn your toast as often. He traded in his blow dryer for a toe dryer (a very important appliance to Big Foots since they have a lot of hair to dry after shampooing). At the end of a hard day of badminton, he would put his feet up on a toe-stool.

Winter was always one of Gerald’s happiest seasons. Not only did he get to play snow badminton, but he also was able to do his favorite winter activity. He could feel the wind through his mane and watch the world fly by. What was Gerald’s favorite winter activity?

Toe-bogganing!

What variety of pine do Hawaiians use as a Christmas Tree?

A Pineapple!