I’m going to be famous!
I’m going to be great!
For every award
I’m the best candidate.
I’ve got an idea
to solve world peace.
I know how to force
every famine to cease.
I’ll power our town
with four sweaty socks
Or make a vaccine
for every pox.
I’ll reduce the garbage
in landfills by nine.
Wherever you’re shopping,
there won’t be a line.
I’d love to complete
all of this before bed
But Mom wants my room
to be cleaned up instead!
There’s a house just down the street
where no one dares to trick or treat.
The town dentist, Count Dracula,
lives there with his dreaded jaw.
His werewolf’s always standing guard
to keep small kids off of the yard.
And if you’re not feeling afraid:
Frankenstein serves as his maid.
But monsters don’t scare me at all!
For Twix I’d brave a Zombie mall.
I find going there’s a waste:
because they only give toothpaste.
For Halloween I dressed as Clipper-Vix-Vad,
the scariest beast that the world’s ever had.
His deafening howl can send chills to the bone.
His eyes have been known to turn men into stone.
He’s mean to the core and as sharp as a tack.
Don’t go out alone! (If you do, watch your back.)
He’s ten times as deadly as a battleship,
but sadly he looks like a big paperclip.
My father is proud of the car he just bought.
It’s the top-of-the-line! Newest car on the lot!
If you step on the gas, it will purr like a jet.
There isn’t a race car that’s beaten us yet.
But I am ashamed when he drives me to school:
It looks like a toilet (with pooh for its fuel!)
I’d like you to meet Robert:
he’s my new pet fly.
He’s sitting on my shoulder
because he is quite shy.
his work is serving ice-cream cones
at the downtown mall.
He’s fabulous at soccer…
if you have a tiny ball.
He taught me how to dance.
We do the do-see-doe.
We’re going to start a band
He plays a small banjo.
He loves my bedside lamp,
but only when it’s on.
His favorite food is Cole-slaw
that’s been sitting on my lawn.
I think I’ve just broken my new time machine:
Wherever I travel to I’m forced to clean.
I wanted to ride through the old wild west
But to many undershirts had to be pressed.
I traveled to China to see the Great Wall.
Instead I raked leaves because it was fall.
I thought that Atlantis would be a short stop
until someone showed me what I had to mop.
I thought that Mount Fuji would be fun to climb
But too many windows were covered in grime.
Do you think you can help? I’m really in need.
I want to see castles — and not pull a weed!
I am Trenton Drainer
I’m a wildlife trainer.
Animals obey
every word I say.
My goldfish water-skis
past flaming balls of cheese.
My birds can juggle plates
while wearing roller skates.
My basset hound chorale
sings songs to boost morale.
I’ve event taught my cat
to knit a woolen hat.
Motorcycling mice
help farmers harvest rice
while half a dozen goats
shoot fireworks from boats.
I am Trenton Drainer
I’m a wildlife trainer.
Animals obey
every word I say.
I’ve set up my stand.
I only take cash.
I sell toupees made for birds.
When bald eagles land
I’ll sell out in a flash.
Get your before the whole herd!
Authors Steve & Natasha