My family went to swim
at a sea that wasn’t there.
But we still chose to stay
since we all were in swimwear.

We built a dozen castles
On the old seaside.
but they won’t disappear
Because there is no tide.

My brother tried to dunk me
unsuccessfully.
But I was never worried
since there wasn’t any sea.

My dad was jumping waves
by the orange beach chair.
My mom just sat and watched
so she wouldn’t mess her hair.

We all had so much fun
on this water-less swim trip
that next year we must book
a Cruise without a ship!

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Check out my book My Sister Steals My Toys. It contains 109 other funny poems I wrote.

If you play a game of soccer
against my good friend Bart,
it’s vital you discuss the rules
before you even start.

He swaps out both the nets
for some woven noodles.
He doesn’t get a ref,
but dresses up four poodles.

There’s no need for a ball
since he’s rolled up all his socks.
He tells me I should kick it
then he lifts his foot and blocks.

His timer’s counting backwards.
His hat’s above his knees.
He claims that you can grab the ball
and throw it if you please.

And after thirty minutes
the score was “toad to bun”.
I’m not sure how we’re counting,
but I think that means I won.

Water cools my drinks
and water warms my teas.
It makes my yard look green
from the grass up to the trees.

I’d never get to sled
if there weren’t many snows.
(And without the white stuff
there’d be homeless Eskimos!)

I drink it from my hands
when I’m playing with baboons
and if I want to shock someone
I fill it in balloons.

It’s pretty when it falls
down a mountain or as rain.
I like it takes my business
and it whisks it down the drain!

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Check out my book My Sister Steals My Toys. It contains 109 other funny poems I wrote.

I dance while I’m standing.
I jive while I walk.
I do the hokey-pokey
when I want to talk.

I kick my soccer ball
to a jazzy salsa beat.
I macaroni-mamba every
time I need to eat.

I wiggle-giggle-shuffle as
I put away my clothes.
I shimmy, dip and slide when
I have to blow my nose.

My mom calls me a wiggler.
I always need to leap.
I even dream of jigs
while I’m in my bed asleep!

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Check out my book My Sister Steals My Toys. It contains 109 other funny poems I wrote.

I’m standing on a chair!
I’m standing on a chair!
I don’t know why Mom’s worried
I’m just standing on a chair!

You’d think she’d be freaked out
By the lion in my room
But seeing shoes on fabric
Is what really makes her fume.

I bath with toxic jellyfish.
I ride a crocodile.
But if I’m on the sofa then
Her mood becomes hostile.

I often sleep with scorpions
And wrestle with a bear.
I don’t know why Mom’s worried.
I’m just standing on a chair!

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Check out my book My Sister Steals My Toys. It contains 109 other funny poems I wrote.

My mom hoover-ed the carpet
All around my feet
But I refused to lift them.
I was comfy in my seat!

So she ran the vacuum
On top of all my toes
And I felt it sucking
Me up into the hose.

I swirled into the vacuum
And wondered if she knew
What her only daughter
Had just been pulled into.

The vacuum bag was cozy.
I was on a bed of dust.
I probably could live here
If I had time to adjust.

There were cookie crumbs to eat.
There were threads that I could weave
Into brand new clothing
If I ever had to leave.

I even found my earrings
Next to my missing keys.
I loved the hotter weather
That felt cool with the breeze.

Last night I’m glad I wasn’t
Near the laundry bin
Or I’d be in the washer
Filled with water, set on spin!

Enjoy this poem?

Check out my book My Sister Steals My Toys. It contains 109 other funny poems I wrote.